Self-talk or Self-Sabotage?
By Phyllis Greco Bucci and Kim Henderson
Welcome! Today we’re talking about being assertive, and I think being assertive has a lot to do with what you’re thinking in your head you’re going to say, and how you’re going to say it. How do you speak to yourself when you want to do or change something you want to do? Is it self-talk or self-sabotage? Are you egging yourself on, or are you putting up blocks for a new opportunity or something you need to speak to someone?
Do you judge what you’re thinking of saying in your head? Let’s say a situation could be awkward, and you may not want to come to terms with the fact that you have to say it, so you’re premeditating in your mind what you’re going to say. Forget all of the doubts in your head saying:
What if this doesn’t work out?
What if I say this and they get mad?
Stop all of the excuses. If you need to change something, and you’re still struggling, you need to figure out how you’re talking to yourself, because we are in a time where our inner power is at a different level. We’ve come to a place where we’ve let a lot of things go, we’ve learned how to handle outer situations and not let them affect us as much. We’ve started to take more responsibility for things in our life. Our inner energy and power is growing. It’s a good time to be assertive! And we have a little more clarity in our thoughts and executing the information to other people, so it’s a new self-strength we have to get used to.
I think that we’re feeling so much lighter because of all the work we’ve been doing on ourselves to go within, speak our truth, not let other people have an influence on what we do (or say). Shedding all of this brings us to a whole new frequency, and I think it actually makes us more assertive because we have fewer things holding us back. We’re much more truthful about our feelings. Assertive doesn’t have to be a mean thing. Assertive is just saying your feelings and not allowing anything else to interfere with what you’re going to say.
We talked before about your authentic self. I’ve found it takes a minute to stop and think, “Who am I in this moment?” If you’re not asserting what you want, you’re giving up your freedom. Then you’re going to build up resentments in your heart that will stop things from flowing. And the bottom line is, those are your thoughts making that happen, not the other person. It’s a huge effort to finally take the blame off the other person.
By now, you’ve let go of old hurts and let go of old angers, and you’re a much lighter being than you were.
You’re stronger now.
We’ve started to learn to use this inner knowing, so now you’re at a place where you have to assert what you’ve gathered from doing all this self-help work.
It’s like being on a pendulum, where we have done the things that other people wanted us to do for so long, that you get caught up in it. You have to take it back the other way and really figure out what it is you want. How do you speak to yourself about your worthiness, to be able to receive those things, to be able to center yourself again and know, this is the way I want my life to go?
In being assertive, you need to fine tune and be aware of exactly where your feelings are coming from, and where those words are coming from. A little twist on this: I had a conversation with somebody today about how flower essences have the vibrational healing ability to neutralize emotions in past, present, and future. He looked at me. I said, think about this: Where do a lot of your emotions come from? You can’t even pinpoint it. You are a lineage of genetics from millions of years ago. So all of the things that happened to our ancestors at some level of cellular memory happened to us. So a lot of times, the way we face something or think of something, it is actually that old thinking. We don’t know where it came from, but we really do know. So we’re not just carrying our stuff, we are carrying millions of years of stuff.
You also have to claim your own responsibility.
If you are letting things happen to you, then stop being a victim.
Assert yourself, say what you need to say, and move on.
And there’s never a reason to feel like somebody should get angry with you because you asserted yourself. Stop looking at assertiveness as egotistical. I know in consults if I didn’t assert myself, and really explain where my thinking is coming from, people would have a really hard time with it. But it’s not an egotistical thing. Always ask for divine guidance when you need to assert yourself. Stop thinking that this is only reserved for a chosen few.
Ask when you’re meditating in the morning, ask to come from a place of love and healing. It’s really about the inner dissolving of all the old ways. So get a real good grip on where your feelings are coming from, then say what you have to say, and do what you have to do. Stop relying on other people to get things done for you.
And not everybody’s going to understand and accept every single thing that you do. When you let go of your judgment you’ll stop running into people who are judging you. A lot of people feel uncomfortable claiming their strength, claiming their knowing or their powers, but why would anybody want to hold back on owning their power, their strength, and their wisdom? Be strong.
We’re so happy you joined us today. Come on over and hang out, there’s lots of fun things to do! Thank you, we love you!